Category Archives: choices

The Kindness of Strangers

Maybe Blanche DuBois had it right. Depending on the kindness of strangers isn’t such a bad thing. I am dealing with a temporary mobility-limiting issue and have been using a cane for the last month or so. This has given me an excellent opportunity to observe the reactions of people I encounter and has left me occasionally needing their help.

There are people who will push past me to get on the bus first and others who motion me to go ahead of them. There are people who expect me to open the door for them and others who not only hold the door but wait patiently until I get there. There are people who regale me with tales of their own hip/knee surgery or the successful surgery and recovery of their friends/parents/colleagues.

A few incidents really stand out. Last week, I got into a conversation with the driver of my express bus. By the time I got off, she had taken my address so she could send me a get well card and promised that she would pray for a successful operation and send me things to make me know someone was thinking about me and to make me laugh as I recover.

At a music festival last weekend, a man came up to me to tell me that I would be much more comfortable if my cane was adjusted slightly – and proceeded to make the adjustment. He was right, by the way.

So, I once again have evidence of the truth that everything that happens has an effect on everything else. These simple acts of kindness made me feel wonderful, and, judging by the smiles on their faces, made the other person feel pretty good too.

I’ll be looking for more opportunities to do small things that make a difference. What will you do?

“Good” Customer Service Under Duress?

I bought a highly-rated chair from a company called Coaster. It’s a very nice-looking retro chair – reminds me of something that might have been in a public space in the 50’s. Two allen bolts were missing and I contacted Coaster, not realizing that the vendor was a company called AtHomeMart. Both the Parts department and the Customer Service department were unhelpful and unconcerned about the missing parts and said that they would be available in August. I emailed their customer service department, saying:

I received my chair, model 900335 and discovered that the two medium allen bolts were missing. The parts department informed me that these would not be available until some time in August. Customer service repeated the same thing. I need to sit in this chair post-surgery in July. This is unacceptable customer service.

… and, so far, only got the response below:

From lizyvetteg at Coaster:

This is an automated message confirming that we have received your inquiry.
http://www.coasterfurniture.com/

So, I called Amazon and Axel, who was lovely and sympathetic, asked me to please bear with him and send one more email. This one went through Amazon’s system, so my email and information were protected. They sent it to the supplier, rather than the manufacturer:

Here is a copy of the e-mail that you sent to AtHomeMart.

Order ID 002-6749098-4225869:
1 of Coaster 900335 Vinyl Accent Chair, Red [ASIN: B004T3CPD4]

————- Begin message ————-

I received this item on June 5th and discovered that the two medium-sized allen bolts required to secure the back in place were missing. I called the Parts Dept. and was told that these parts would not be available until mid-August. I called Customer Service and they affirmed this and indicated that they could take no further action. I also emailed customer service and received an automated response. I have received no additional response from the company. As I need to sit in this chair following July 3rd surgery, I find this response unacceptable.

My response from AtHomeMart, received within hours:

Susan,

I am not sure who you contacted previously, but this is our first correspondence from you. We are shipping out 2 medium size bolts+washer under tracking number xxxxx12345 with UPS. Thanks!

Best regards,
Henry Kung
AtHomeMart Customer Care

Now, it may be that AtHome Mart always maintains this level of customer service and simply was not aware of the issue with Coaster. I was impressed with the outcome and speed of response and will purchase through them again, as long as the supplier is NOT Coaster.

I am consistently impressed with the level of customer service provided by Amazon. They have spent hours on the phone with me, replaced items, and always maintained an attitude that suggests that you are doing THEM a huge favor by asking for help.

I was equally impressed with a recent interaction with drugstore.com over an incorrectly entered name in the delivery field on an order. Even though they couldn’t resolve this in the moment, the woman made several excellent suggestions and assured me that she will continue to track the delivery.

It seems to me, that with so many choices, no company with any sense would remain unresponsive to a customer. I hope that I’m just as responsive as Amazon with my clients.

Down Time? Maybe it’s Up Time.

I’ve just finished reading Duanna Pang-Dokland’s Inspired and Prosperous. Her interviews with eleven coaches include some wonderful ideas for revitalizing your life, whether you’re a coach or not. One theme that stayed with me was the ongoing discussion of the ebb and flow of business.

Do you have down time? Is that what you call it? How do you view it? It strikes me that calling the lulls in my business “down time” is a bad beginning. Many people spoke about being resilient and keeping a positive outlook. Donna Karlin’s   response spoke to my heart. She doesn’t see it as down time. She sees lulls in client traffic as the perfect opportunity to write, to work on projects, to renew.

I loved this – a lull in traffic? It’s an up time! Shifting to the perspective of the gift of time for other pursuits epitomizes abundance thinking to me. I plan to look forward to those breaks in the frenetic pace of meetings and appointments to turn to my unfinished project pile. What a great opportunity to read more, to write more, to try that new recipe, clean out the closets, meet friends for lunch or a walk. I might even meditate. I might even finish knitting that sweater.

The possibilities are limitless.

You Might as Well Laugh

It’s May on the calendar and it’s been winter outside my window forever. Pretty much winter in my office too – I’ve got three layers of clothing on and the sandals in my closet are mocking me. No one I know actually saw the epic full moon Saturday because the cloud cover was so dense.
I started my morning and ended my day with two spectacular coaching calls. both clients had incredible breakthroughs and I was dancing. I’m still smiling.
But what I want to talk about is the time between those two calls. When I spoke to my own coach, I had a long, long list of complaints. And I just let loose with them. The list was so long that it made me laugh – and that’s how the call ended – with both of us sharing a lovely, long laugh. Sometimes, when things seem really bad and you can’t see a way out, you might as well laugh. So we did.
It was a very full day. I had six client calls that followed the same pattern. The clients all work for the same organization and are suffering various degrees of stress and overload in the wake of several significant retirements and two waves of layoffs. One has a boss who is prone to shouting. Another has an ever-increasing workload. A third has a subordinate who has taken passive-aggressive behavior to new levels. We’ve been working through these and similar issues with varying degrees of success. Today, though, was pretty much about complaining.
I let everyone vent. Sometimes, that’s the best coaching – just listen and go along for the ride. And I encouraged it. Exaggerated it. Egged them on. Until they laughed. Six depressed people became six people who were able to find some humor in their situation.
Sometimes – often, really, we can work on ourselves or with our coaches or with our clients to craft brilliant action plans. Sometimes we can take some baby steps towards change. And sometimes, we just can’t. And when you can’t, you can at least shift the mood.
When the going gets tough, you might as well laugh.

Previously posted on the Expanding Your Comfort Zone blog.

Overburdened? Put-upon? Why?

In the past few months, more people than usual have been asking me to do things. Sound familiar? Somehow, projects seem to come in clusters, don’t they. And somehow, it’s easy to forget how many projects I’ve already said yes to. And somehow, it’s hard to say no.

So, sometimes I feel like this –

Put-upon. Very, very put-upon. And resentful. Very, very resentful. Why?
It’s so easy to go to a negative space. Why me? Why couldn’t they ask someone else? Don’t they see how busy I am?

Sometimes I feel resentful. Especially when the person asking doesn’t seem willing to take no for an answer. Or tells me that they’ve managed to fit one more thing into their busy life. Or tells me I’ll have lots of support. Or tells me it will be good for me to take on this responsibility.

I knew that I had work to do if I wanted to say no cleanly to the latest request. So, of course, I called my coach. We teased out my reactions. We looked at the motivations I was ascribing to other people. We eliminated several pounds of unwelcome mind-chatter.

I had been feeling tricked because the scope of the project was revealed in bits and pieces. I had been feeling angry that other people seemed to feel they knew what was best for me. As we peeled away the levels, I found myself laughing about the situation.

No one was acting out of malice or bad motives. They simply found a way to solve an organizational problem. They were putting the organization first. And, having found a workable solution (from their viewpoint) were not willing to move on to another. With my coach’s help, I was able to see that that was them. Not me. The solution works well for them. Not me. And, essentially, their need to move on is really not my problem. It’s theirs.

So, I’m going to use that word I’m always telling my clients they need to use. No. Yes, I am flattered; yes, I do understand why you asked me, but no. I can’t do this right now. Thank you for asking.

If they are disappointed, they will deal with it and move on. I will not hold their disappointment. I will not feel guilty for taking care of myself. In fact, I’m absolutely delighted to acknowledge my capacity and – yes – limitations.

I knew what I wanted all along. With a little great coaching, I was able to be comfortable with my decision – to make it without guilt or resentment.
Taking the time to examine my feelings and separate facts from stories and reframe made all the difference.

And now I feel like this –

*Previously posted on the Expanding Your Comfort Zone blog.