Monthly Archives: July 2012

Patience, Patience, Patience!

I have reached that wonderful point in my recovery where I can begin to do things for myself. It is also a very dangerous point. I feel so good! I’m staying awake all day. I’m actually getting some work done. It’s a very heady experience.

So why is it dangerous? There are still precautions to be followed. And I feel so good that there is every danger of the forgetting them. There will be no bending too far. No walking too far. No sitting in the wrong kind of chair.

Now is the time for patience. In order to maintain the gains of the first three weeks, I’ll need to behave for the next three weeks. Patience!

Isn’t every change like this? It takes patience and persistence to move forward. It takes time. It’s worth it.

Accepting Help

I’ve always been fiercely independent, and don’t usually accept help from others. A truism in coaching is that we get clients who learn lessons we need to learn. After years of telling clients that they should accept help from other people, my recent hip replacement has given me the chance to explore my own difficulties with accepting help.

the first few days after the surgery, my hospital roommate and I were unable to do anything for ourselves. it felt strange. We both learned to be as grateful in receiving as our caregivers were in giving.

Coming home provided a new opportunity to explore receiving with grace as a series of friends has pitched in to help. It’s a new experience to not be able to bend over and grab things or to jump up to get something, and it could be frustrating if I let it. Instead, it has become a joyful acceptance.

I’m learning the grace of receiving. And it’s a blessing.

Where’s the Exit?

In response to my last post, Weeding the Friendship Garden, Caroline Ceniza-Levine, asked how to get out of relationships that were past their expiration date. This is always a difficult question, and I’m not sure I have the perfect answer. Here are a few ideas:

1. Avoid initiating contact. Sometimes, that’s enough. Even though you may think the other person wants to continue the relationship in the same way, they may simply be stuck in a pattern and be glad for the break.

2. See this person only as part of a group. This reduction of one-on-one time cam begin to create some space.

3. Introduce this person to someone else you think would be a good match. It’s a little like recycling an old boyfriend who was great, just not great for you. Can you suggest a mutually beneficial match?

4. Be busy. Be less accessible. Screen calls and answer when you want to speak to this person or when you have tie to listen to them. Even then, set limits. Be brief.

5. Be honest. Tell this person that you feel your lives have gone in such different directions that it’s hard to be there for each other. Tell the other person what you’ve valued most about them and how you will carry that into the future. Spend time reconfiguring the relationship. Just because someone isn’t in your inner circle, it doesn’t mean they have to be out of your life.

I should also point out that just because someone isn’t on your C chart (Comforters, Cheerleaders, Critics, Confronters) doesn’t mean they aren’t in your life. The chart is to help you define your go-to support network, not your entire social circle.